It's Father's Day here......

.... so how else could I start this entry other than with a photo of my beautiful Dad. This photo was taken on my niece's wedding day in March 2003 and was one of the last that I have of this wonderful man.

Dad passed away on April Fool's Day 2003 and I still miss him with every fibre of my being.... and yes he was late for his own bloody funeral! I was reading another blog this morning where the blogger wrote an amazing tribute to her Dad...it had me in tears. A lot of things she said that were memories of her Dad were the same as the memories I have of mine. She talked of walking down the street with him quite regularly and then one day realising that he always walked between her and the road. I remember the same thing and I remember asking my Dad the same question and getting the same answer. 'Dad, why do you do that?'.....'because if we are hit by a car, my love, it will get me first' was the reply we both received.

One of the most beautiful memories of Dad was telling both him and Mum I was pregnant with my son. I was living 4000km from them and told them I was about 4 weeks pregnant and my then husband was heading off for four weeks away with the army. Two days later I arrived home to find my Dad in my kitchen. He had jumped in the car the day after I gave them my news as he 'was not having' me 'all that way away on my own and pregnant'. For the next few weeks I came home every lunchtime to a restaurant like choice of menu of very healthy food! He cooked cleaned and did everything so I could 'get all the rest you need sweetheart!' He stayed with me for the four weeks and then Mum joined us for another two! That was a part of my life I will never forget.

I remember arriving at Mum and Dad's when they would look after my kids while I went to Uni to find 'Potsie' running around the house with a water pistol chasing two squealing children and poor Mum having the hard time of trying to work out who was the bigger kid! I remember my Dad building me a bookcase, but more importantly building cars, trucks and planes to the precise designs of a much loved four year old grandson. I remember the cradle he built for my daughter and the doll's house that was my sisters' and mine that he 'renovated' for her.

I remember watching my Mum and Dad walking along hand in hand, (even in their eighties after nearly sixty years of marriage) and finally understanding where my ideas about how a relationship should be, came from. I know the sadness of meeting the love of my life almost a year after Dad's death and knowing my Dad will never meet him. I am sure Dad would have approved! I think about the pride my Dad felt as he watched me graduate and I hope that he would still feel the same pride if he could watch me now lead a life with meaning.

I know for my Dad his kids, grandkids and great grandkids were the meaning of his life. I know there is not one of us who does not crave just one more magical Potsie bear hug....Ok so now the tears are streaming. Does that emptiness ever leave?

I know, not the usual upbeat me but this all just needed to be said.